Fighting for God's Standards in Marriage

God's standards on just about everything you can think of are quite clear in the Word of God. I agree with my friend, spoken word artist Jeff Bethke who I had the pleasure of interviewing last week, that it is not our morality that gets us into heaven.

We cannot, as he told me, package our morality and the Grace of God together and present it to God like we can earn His salvation. It's, frankly, insulting to God because He sacrificed His Son, Jesus, for our sins...when we didn't deserve it. The Bible says that

"...while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

You see, we don't deserve it. It is through the love which was expressed to us in John 3:16 that God presented His Grace to us.

That being said, the Bible says quite clearly:

"...faith without works is dead.." - James 2:20

Some people interpret this scripture to mean that your salvation is dependent on your good deeds and your work for the Lord. This is not the case. What James is saying is that your works are a reflection of your faith. The things you do for the ones you love are a response of the love you feel for them. God gave us salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ as a response to His endless love for us. In turn, we show Him love (love = VERB...not noun) in our obedience to his law and His expectations.

Therefore, we should still fight for the standards God expects from us in our own lives, not out of necessity, but out of love. In a marriage relationship, a wife should not be expected to wash the dishes...but often she will...willingly out of love for her family. This applies to men as well in various tasks. Likewise, you should wish to please God by willingly submitting to his standards.

What do I mean?

Let's take a look at marriage and family, a subject near and dear to my own heart.

Why? I'm the product of a broken family and the rate of divorce in this country is the SAME for Christians as it is for secular people.

Jesus tells us that:

^7"They [The Pharisees] say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?

⁸He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

⁹And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." - Matthew 19

Here, it is laid out quite clearly that divorce is not a good thing and is ONLY permissible in cases of fornication. The one that gets a divorce and gets re-married is committing adultery. Why? Because you both made a commitment to God and each other that you would be together forever...and further, that you would become one flesh with your mate.

I know of people who have been married numerous times and now have many problems throughout their complicated family structure and just don't understand why everything isn't peaceful.

Really?

Maybe God isn't blessing your current arrangement because your current arrangement has compromised a clear and concise standard that Jesus laid out for you.

Maybe everyone just isn't getting along...

Have you asked for His forgiveness in this matter? Maybe you have. If you haven't, as they say in the psychology profession: The first step is to realize you have a problem. Maybe you have re-married and have more kids now. Should you leave your current spouse and go back to your old one and bust up yet another family?

No. I don't think so.

However, realizing that you have messed up is a good first step.

Apologizing to those you have hurt in your disobedience is a good second step.

Will that remove all animosity and distrust? Probably not.

We are often happy to accept the forgiveness of God without the judgement of God.

A murderer may truly be sorry for what they did. The family of the person they have killed may be very forgiving.

The law, however, is the law.

The judge likely won't say "Well, since you're sorry, and since the family says 'hey, no hard feelings!'...I guess we can let it slide this time."

Receiving God's forgiveness does not mean you won't necessarily suffer at all for what you did.

Hop on back to the Old Testament to 2 Samuel, Chapter 11. King David, a man who God truly blessed and loved, took another man's wife, Bathsheba. He also got her pregnant, then had Uriah, her husband murdered in battle.

David was truly sorry for what he did. He apologized, and God forgave him.

Everything was just peachy after that, right?

Wrong.

Just because he received God's forgiveness does not mean he did not receive God's judgement, none-the-less.

What happened?

The prophet Nathan rebukes him. David loses complete control of his family. He is overthrown by Absalom. His son Amnon rapes his half-sister Tamar....etc...etc...

I wouldn't say everything was just fine after that.

But how can God forgive you for it if you:

1. Don't think it was wrong to begin with,
2. Think because you get along better with your new spouse than you did with your old one that the ends justify the means, and/or
3. Ignore the real problem (that is, YOU screwed up) and blame other things?

I have seen so many folks in this very situation and their solution is to micro-examine the situation and blame everyone and everything but themselves.

Maybe there are happy aspects to the new marriage. Maybe you love your new spouse and have wonderful children and therefore you do not regret your decision to pursue divorce.

So the ends justify the means?

That would not be true in any other of God's laws.

You burn down the home of your neighbor so they will have to move away because they fight all the time and are too loud. They then are forced to move away and now you have peace.

You would be happier, but you displaced an already struggling family and put them on the street. Does that make it right?

Absolutely not.

Jesus gives one...ONE stipulation that allows for divorce: fornication.

If your spouse breaks the all-important promise to remain faithful to you, Jesus says you are 100% justified in ending your marriage covenant.

That's it.

If you are abused by your mate...maybe you should have taken longer to get to know them before you married them? You clearly married a person you didn't know, or else you are a glutton for punishment. You clearly, if you are a woman, did not make seeking a Godly man as priority and you are now suffering a painful consequence.

I'm not saying I think you deserve it, but I am saying that we all have to answer for our decisions.

I have heard people give lame excuses for divorce such as these:

• We aren't happy anymore.
• All we do is fight.
• We don't love each other.
• We are different people now.
• He/she doesn't meet my needs.

I could go on and on. Surely God understands how I feel, right? That would make it Okay...

That's not what the Bible says. If you aren't happy anymore, go to counseling. Get in church. Get in anger management. Learn to listen before you speak.

You don't love each other anymore? You need to stop defining love in such a selfish manner. It is not about how you "feel," it is about what you DO. Love is a verb.

You are different people now. She's not who I married... He is a different person. You BOTH need to get in God's Word, church, and counseling and become new, more Godly people. You are clearly not embracing your marriage covenant like God says you should.

He/She doesn't meet my needs. While meeting each other's needs is important and Biblical, it is NOT your concern as to whether your mate meets your needs. Yes, you should communicate with your mate and let them know how you feel, but the very essence of the word "submission" is you focusing on what YOU can do for your mate, not what they are doing for you.

If every time you are with your mate you nag them about not talking to you enough, they likely will feel (shocker!) NAGGED and not WANT to talk to you! Offer to give them a little space, concentrate on loving them and maybe they will be more likely to want to talk with you.

At the center of all those problems is selfishness...and the solution is submission, albeit on both sides.

Me Me Me...My My My.

No, YOU YOU YOU! That is what submission is about.

God's standards are quite clear in this regard, just as they are in other subjects that I won't take the time to address right now. The reason I pick on marriage is because it is such an epidemic in this country now. People are so nonchalant about it now, and it's disgusting.

Often...no, scratch that...ALMOST ALWAYS, it's not the people getting the divorce that suffer from the divorce the most.

Don't make it an option for you. If you have already had one, Billy Graham used to say that "you can't unscramble eggs...but you can start where you are."

Many people would prefer not to talk about this subject because it hits too close to home. I have had people get terribly mad at me for even mentioning the subject. The thing is, those very people are having problems that are both directly and indirectly related to the decisions they made and they are in complete denial about it. Things can drastically improve by recognizing the mistake, apologizing for it, and being open about it rather than pretending it was perfectly acceptable or else didn't happen at all.

No you are not a bad person, but you did compromise an important standard for which you either are, or will in the future, answer for.

As I always say: The Family is the basis of the church. When you bust up a family, you bust up part of the church. You bust up a mini-church.

Do you think that makes God happy?

FIGHT for your marriage. FIGHT for the family. FIGHT for God's standards.